ting

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 06:45:09 GMT

fuck everybody who expects me to be strong all the time and then gets annoyed when i show any moments of weakness.

and when i say everybody, i really just mean one person.

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:39:20 GMT

i got a twitter account. it's still new and unfamiliar to me, but i can feel the obsession starting to set in the more i mess with the settings.

http://twitter.com/imponderabilia

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:09:37 GMT

he is an island i visited
once
as a young girl.

i sometimes wonder
if my children would be happier,
and able to swim

had i stayed
on that island instead
of this small landlocked town
that has been home for so long.

who throws a shoe?? honestly!!!

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 16:00:51 GMT

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:36:32 GMT

this really makes me want to cry.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:55:22 GMT

so livejournal miraculously works again but now i don't know how to get back into the swing of things.

a few points:

• i'm moving back to the states by january 24. i'm in the middle of applying to graduate schools. two schools in boston and two schools in new york. i'm working towards an MFA in creative writing. deciding on this was really an internal battle between "this is my dream" and "this is not practical" and in the end, my dream was victorious.
• studying for the impending GREs makes me feel like standardized testing is really just a modern form of torture. i'm a writer. i know words are important. but when will i ever use words like "bedizen" or "yeoman" in my entire life? never, that's when.
• i've been teaching a creative writing course at the ESL school i work for. i created the curriculum myself, painstakingly chose every poem to analyze in class, and thought up writing exercises for each class. the students are very responsive to it. they just get it. when they read a piece of writing, they see things that i could only see after reading it two or three times. when they write, they're not clouded by the cliche bullshit that hinders native english speakers. they take the language in its purest form and use it in ways that a native speaker would never think of using it. it's shocking and inspiring.
• i was watching nip/tuck nonstop for about 3 weeks but then realized that it just makes me really fucking depressed. everybody is a shithead and just when you think things couldn't be any more effed, somebody has sex with an iguana or something. so now i'm just watching project runway episodes that i've missed. it makes me feel much better emotionally, even though i find some of the people to be nails-on-a-chalkboard unbearable.
• it's starting to get really cold. i need to figure out a cure for hat-hair.

project runway

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 08:54:20 GMT

i don't understand how it's possible for heidi klum's legs to be that long.

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 10:07:35 GMT

today, matt and i ducked into a mcdonald's to get out of the rain. trust me when i tell you that beijing in the rain is the worst place on earth. worse than the bowels of hell. after we had finished eating, i noticed a chinese couple sitting at a table near us. the woman was sleeping and the man was cutting his fingernails. HE WAS CUTTING HIS FINGERNAILS IN A MICDONALD'S LIKE IT WAS HIS FUCKING BATHROOM OR SOMETHING.

only in china.

p.s. i figured out how to find an anonymous proxy server with log-in capabilities. i'm back loves, why don't you comment and let me know what i've missed in the past year. also, if you switched LJs, tell me your old&new account so i can update that shiz.

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 03:15:59 GMT

ok, the deal is that the chinese government does not allow people to view blogging sites (such as livejournal) so i was trying to use an anonymous proxy server to view LJ. however, i can't find one that lets me actually log-in to a site, and so am only able to make single posts but not delete them, edit them, or reply to comments on them.

i am still in beijing. survived the olympics. saw a couple events. still teaching english. hoping to be back in the states by next march.

as weird as this sounds, i really miss LJ. it was a portal to vent and ask for un-biased advice, to share good news and bad news, and to record all my memories. i've "known" some of you more than i've known a lot of my real-life friends. so maybe i will try to post once in a while. pity i won't be able to read any of your friends-only entries.

other ways to contact me (that i can actually legally access) are:

myspace
facebook

love,
ting

testing

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 04:39:10 GMT

123

HEY I DIDN'T DIE

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:35:47 GMT

for those of you who thought maybe i had died or quit livejournal because i haven't posted in 6 months, it was because livejournal is blocked in china.

however, today, some beautiful stranger wrote me a myspace message and told me the secret to viewing blocked webpages in china, including:

wikipedia
livejournal
icanhavecheezburger

so i'm back. and really have nothing to say except for that i'm back.

erosion

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 20:52:29 GMT

lately i've been thinking about us
growing old together:
and your face, the valleys
deep
from my eyes tracing
and tracing
over the flesh again
and again.

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 18:21:02 GMT

What a memory looks like after it's been forgotten:
an empty grave, surrounded by green green grass, and
no gravestone.

What sadness tastes like in your mouth:
sour, bitter,
the seawater crashing into your lungs when you were
learning to swim,

Does regret
have a face, a body? Dark eyes? Black hair. A birthmark
the shape of Portugal on the inner left thigh. Can you sink
your fingernails
into its flesh? Scrape them along the outlines of joints,
try to save some skin, some scent.

What does leaving look like? A doorframe, the
fluorescent light of the stairwell.
The insides of your palms,
wet,
turned upward.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 12:44:56 GMT

my boyfriend will drive 8 hours from pittsburgh to chicago in the middle of the night to come get me because my flight got canceled and i couldn't get another one for 2 days. love love love him.

Mon, 21 May 2007 23:58:25 GMT

i loved chicago.

it is sort of like new york, but cleaner, and with nicer people.

Tue, 08 May 2007 00:08:36 GMT

dear livejournal,

i'm sorry for neglecting you. maybe now that i don't have classes to write for, i will want to write for you.

love,
ting

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 03:23:25 GMT

the last couple of weeks have been full of old friends and new friends, packages in the mail, and nice weather. and almost every day begins and ends next to him in bed. i'm not complaining. the other day we talked about leaving pittsburgh together. "i love you, i want to go where you go" is what he said. it's scary and lovely at the same time.

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 07:55:08 GMT

i just tried to write this big long entry about how great it's been since matt and i got back together, but nothing sounded right so let's just say i am happy and in love and nothing else matters.

oh, except that i graduate college in 3 weeks. that sort of matters.

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 08:02:08 GMT

i hate myself when i'm drunk.

"naked except for the jewelry", jack gilbert

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 00:54:45 GMT

"And," she said, "you must talk no more
about ecstasy. It is a loneliness."
The woman wandered about picking up
her shoes and silks. "You said you loved me,"
the man said. "We tell lies," she said,
brushing her wonderful hair, naked except
for the jewelry. "We try to believe."
"You were helpless with joy," he said,
"moaning and weeping." "In the dream," she said,
"we pretend to ourselves that we are touching.
The heart lies to itself because it must."

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 18:58:34 GMT

boys make me furious.
i need to meet a man.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 10:57:48 GMT

"all love is a tragedy"
- some poet who is in my head

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:37:39 GMT

i have finally learned that he is not a poem.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 07:21:53 GMT

maybe sometimes i think too much with my head and not enough with my heart.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 00:30:21 GMT

i ended it with matt saturday night. part of me is relieved that i finally made a decision. part of me is sad. part of me doesn't know if it was the right decision. but i do know that the only way that i could have solved this dilemma was by making a decision and seeing how i feel afterwards. and so we will see.